Stressed out volunteers for veterans need Stand Down too!

Stressed out volunteers for veterans need Stand Down too!
by Kathie Costos
Wounded Times Blog
May 18, 2013

The first post today is about 5 hours late because I just got back from the Sanford Stand Down for veterans. The wonderful thing is there were more volunteers than veteran needing help, so no one had to wait. For volunteers, that was also the bad part.

The area I was assigned to didn't have many veterans needing their services, so there was plenty of time to talk to other volunteers. Most of us felt the same way. We were there to help veterans because we not only care, most of us have a personally connection, either as veterans or family members.

We talked about our lives, joys and struggles. That is the reason for this post before I check the rest of my emails and go take a nap. I've been up since 5:00.

As I watched the veterans get matched with a Battle Buddy they were given something good to eat for breakfast, shown where to go for what they needed, taken to where the showers were and get a hair cut along with clean clothes, boots and some personal needs items, all donated by caring groups and businesses.

These veterans went from feeling as if no one cared to feeling as if they belonged and mattered. The expressions on their faces lifted as their mood did. The volunteers were smiling just knowing that they made the difference.

My mood changed too. I started the day out in a bad mood feeling as if I had one of the worst jobs in the world because with a 70 hour week, my bank account if pretty much empty already and month is only half over. I had to worry about having enough gas in my car to get me to the Stand Down and back. In other words, totally feeling sorry for myself even though I have a nice house, a car, food to eat and clothes to wear.

Then I was looking at the line of volunteers also managing to get up before the sun to show up and help someone else expecting nothing in return other than to do for the sake of someone else.

We talked about what they did in their lives and what their hopes and dreams were. One young man was an Air Force veteran and he was there to volunteer because a lot of his buddies knew what it was like to feel abandoned. A volunteer did it because her husband is a veteran and another one never thought of doing anything else but helping veterans.

These people are truly remarkable. The time they put in is as fabulous as the love they feel.

They totally changed my mood and I felt blessed just to meet them. It also reenforced the fact that helpers are the last people to ask for help. It happens all the time. When you are "doer" it is hard to become the person someone else does for.

When I talked to the Air Force Veteran, we were talking about the most stressful jobs. He said top of the list are enlisted personnel and then brass because they had to be the ones to give the orders that could mean life or death. Then Police Officers, Firefighters and emergency responders.

I asked him if he knew what was even more stressful but often goes unnoticed. I told him it was the ones who care for all of the above.

We tend to be the most stressed and because of that, burn out fast unless we also have support behind us. I happen to have a lot of people I can (and often do) call on for emotional support. All of us need that. Sure we need financial support so we can keep a roof over our own heads, food in our bellies and gas in our tanks to get us from one place to another but those needs are obvious.

We need our own support team showing up to be our Battle Buddies when we get lost, worn out and torn down so we can get back to what we do best but as hard as it is to ask for help, it is harder for other people to even think about our need to be helped.

Because of what I do and the events I travel to, I've seen all kinds of groups all dedicated to veterans and most of them do not receive enough support financially or emotionally. There needs to be a Stand Down for us. A place where we can be fed and taken care of even for just a little while, where we know we do matter and someone cares.

To have someone ask us what we need and then help us find it instead of just assuming we don't need anything. I once had a business man say to someone about me that "She's always asking for help and if she was any good, she would get what she needs." pretty much the same way some people see a homeless veteran and just assume they want to be homeless and "get handouts" so they just ignore them. (Yep people still think that way.) But I am not unique. All the volunteers I talked to this morning are going through the same things. Stress! Stress of knowing what we do matters but not having anything to help us do it. Stress of doing what we do knowing how great the need is while no one seems to notice how great our own needs are.

Smarter heads out there in Orange and Seminole County Florida need to figure out a way to start taking care of the doers or we'll end up joining those in need waiting for someone to help us but there won't be anyone there.