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Wounded Times

Where Veterans Get Their News

Tuesday, July 31, 2012

PTSD families still last to know when their battle begins

On June 24, 2012 I had to ask Why did we let Trever Gould die? because after all these years, it was a matter of why they are still committing suicide.

Trever's Mom was asking the same question. She left this comment on the post I did.
Hello I am Sheri Johnson Trever Gould's mother. A person does not know how hard they can ache until they lose a child. It hurts even more knowing my son did not get the help he need when he asked for it. He always acted strong around me because he was trained that way and thought he was my protector. We need to help our soldiers that come home and even the ones that are deployed. They need to be heard we need to be heard. I would give anything to hold my son one more time and tell him how much I love him, but I can't do this anymore and I want to change things so other parents and spouses can hold their loved ones every day.

I tried to comfort her, let her know that it was not her fault and then she left this comment.

I do blame myself and feel I failed him. My son should be sitting here right now with his family not in a urn. I feel I should of forced him to go get help, but I thought he was dealing with things he acted so tough. When I seen those papers and it was in black and white that he did ask for help and I did not know it. It makes me ache even more. I pray that things change so other parents do not need to feel this pain I feel. I do know now there are others out there that want the same thing and together we can make a change. This is my sons memorial site on Facebook I am working on getting the word out there and making a difference.
Trevor Gould Memorial
I am sorry you and your husband lost a nephew to PTSD also and that your husband suffers from it also.
Sheri Johnson


But if this story has any lessons it is the fact that when combat veterans survive combat but cannot survive being back home, the families blame themselves. That's a fact.

Trever's sister Brittney DeBlieck sent me another email about a petition they have to try to prevent other families from suffering the same way.



Trever Gould
by Brittney DeBlieck

(edited email)
On June 21, 2012, our brother, our mom’s one and only son, and a wonderful uncle took his own life. There would be no more family get-togethers, no more holidays, no more parties for him, and no more of us being able to see his great smile. He held the weight of the world on his shoulders and it became too much. Iraq changed him and the military changed him. We didn’t understand how much it had changed him until it was too late.

A week before he took his life our mom tried real hard to help and get him the help that he needed. Unfortunately, justice failed him. But what from what we know now, it would have been hard to save him. We didn’t understand what had been going through his mind and how much he was truly hurting.

We were very shocked and didn’t understand. The day after he was gone, we tried going through his military paperwork he had in his room and what we found was even more shocking. While being stationed in Texas with the U.S. Regular Army he had threatened to attempt suicide multiple times. However, no one was ever told us this, no one told our mom and the military did not follow-up with his condition. We found paperwork stating that he had threatened suicide. However, on the same paperwork it stated he was not suicidal even with him stating he was. He didn’t receive help he needed. We were never aware of this and wished we knew we did, because maybe it would have been possible to help save Trever’s life. We know that he had asked for help, but are unaware how much he really got.

While he was stationed in Texas he wanted to be home with his family and we recently were told by one of his close friends who was stationed with him, that if a soldier said they needed help that they wouldn’t be able to go home. This doesn’t make sense. While give them the choice of either being able to go home and not get the help versus having to stay at the base to get the help. A soldier is going to want to go home to be with his family not many others would want to choose to stay. They have been away from their families for so long, and want to be with them again. He like many soldiers had trouble getting back into the civilian life and never got the full chance to be able too. Many soldiers like Trever, have trouble getting jobs, being able to sleep right, enjoy life, and be the person they used to be. He would keep to himself more.

Since we lost Trever we have learned so much more about him now than we did before. We really didn’t know how much he was truly hurting inside and how much Iraq changed him. My brother wanted others to believe he was strong and didn’t want to be seen as weak and was too proud to ask for help. He didn’t want to be seen as broken. After coming home he never went to anyone to get help. He wanted to be seen as a strong soldier like many of them do. We have learned our soldiers are not getting the help they need and deserve. My brother was suffering inside from many troubles. When my brother came home from Iraq he was different but tried to not let a lot people know. Very few people knew he had troubles. Unfortunately, with him passing we have truly learned how much our soldiers are truly affected. It is just so sad that it takes something like my brothers story to make us realize what we need to change. We miss Trever very deeply and in his honor, our mom and our family and friends hope to help others and save other soldiers by getting my brother’s story out and show how much soldiers need the help and give them a chance at life and show them they are truly loved and cared about.

We didn’t tell Trever as much as we should have how much he was truly loved and I feel like I failed him as a big sister and have helped him like he should have. There are so many of the “what if’s”. What if we were there with him, what if we could have gotten him the help he deserved, what if we knew how much he was truly hurting inside could have we helped save his life. That will probably never change, but we want to get something changed so this does not happen to others.

Our soldiers are changed in the military and the Purple Star Veterans and Families Organization couldn’t have said it any better. They explain, “Military training does a thorough job of conforming and compressing the hearts and minds of young adults entering the armed forces...Because Veterans are trained to be self-reliant and to “complete the mission” at all cost, it is unacceptable for many of them to ask for help or to receive assistance when offered. Historically, this has been a major barrier to receiving care and continues to be the case with present day Veterans”Veterans Families.org.

We wish to help other soldier’s who helped protect and serve for our country, especially the regular Army. We believe they deserve to have more help given to them. This needs to be stopped. More military related suicides are occurring more than ever. Many like Trever, are proud and do not want to admit they need the help. And when we spoke to a VSO we were told it is the soldier’s responsibility to get the help. This is wrong. Many soldiers’ feel they need to be strong and do not want to accept they need help. However, if we can show them and help them get the help they need, maybe we may be able to help save a soldier’s life that helps to defend and protect our lives. We do not want this to happen to other parent’s or significant others, to have them lose their loved one from taking their own life. They have the right to know if their soldier is thinking about hurting themselves and are hurting inside. By family members knowing of their soldier’s condition, they have a chance to help and possibly save their loved one.


Families are the last to know how much they are hurting but they are also the last to know what they need to in order to avoid losing them after war. So why did we let Trever Gould die? Because families have been the last ones given the weapons to fight for the warriors.

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hello this is Sheri, Trever and Brittney's mother. I am trying to figure out "what is it going to take to get people to listen and step forward and help stop this from happening??" It's to late for my son, but there are so many others out there that it is not to late to help. They can have a chance to get the help they need, but only if everyone steps up to help them. I hurt so bad and I do not want another mother to have to go through this pain. A huge part of me is gone and will never be back. We need to unite and do the right thing. I just sit here and cry when I see only 158 signitures on the petition and it's been out for a couple days. People can be on facebook for hours playing games, but not take a couple minutes to sign a petition that will save so many lives. What have we become? Please help me figure out how to make them listen!!

Chaplain Kathie said...

Sheri,
When you asked what it will take, you are an example of that by what you're doing.
When Vietnam veterans came home, this was all happening but no one wanted to talk about it. I have a pamphlet hanging on my wall from 1978. It was a study the DAV commissioned about PTSD. While some say they didn't even use the term until the 80's, the fact is, it was known ten years before what they "know" and the same thing is happening now.
At the time there were 500,000 with PTSD and suicides ended up between 150,000 and 200,000 in later studies. Just like now, they don't know about all of them. If they are discharged and not in the VA system, they are not counted by anyone.
I wanted to let you know that all these years later, veterans like your son are still killing themselves and families are still the last to know what to do to help them heal.
Why? Because while local newspapers and news broadcast do report on what is going on locally the rest of the country doesn't have a clue. National media dropped the ball decades ago. Unless something catastrophic happens, they won't even report on the deaths in Afghanistan any more than they reported on the deaths in Iraq.
The American people, as you pointed out, want to be entertained and that mindset includes sad stories as well.
The only thing we can do is keep trying and don't give up. It is not that the people in this country don't care. It is more they just don't know about it.
Ask people to forward the petition to their friends and put it to them they can help save lives by taking action.
Contact reporters every time you see a report about a military suicide. Tell them about Trever.
Word count matters so you have to figure out how to hit the nail on the head asap by wording it as short as possible. Your emotions will fill in what is not said when they interview you.
Sheri, you and your family will be part of the solution. 158 signatures is not that bad. Make sure you send it to all your relatives and friends. Drop a card in the mailbox of your neighbors with a copy of the petition so they can sign it in person.
Most of the time, you'll get people to care enough to read what you have to say but that does not cause them to click a link. They go off and do something else. You may have to remind them after you contact them by email.
This all got so bad because while over 6,000 families a year have to bury a veteran, few have been willing to talk about them as much as they grieve for them.
Do not forget that while many people will not show you that what you're doing today matters, they will tomorrow.

Anonymous said...

Hi

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Pls try to keep posting.

Let me show other source that may be good for community.

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Best regards
Jonathan.

Anonymous said...

Hello again, this is Sheri. It has been four months since we lost Trever and I still does not make any sence to me why this had to happen to me or and other loved one. I am still trying very hard to change things so this stops. I have Trevers memorial page and now I joined forces with OperationI.V.org. We are going to do so much for our vets. It saddens us that know they want to take the service dogs away from our vets and our soldiers still feel they can not ask for help! Things have to change, I cry everyday for my son and then when I see we lost another soldier to PTSD I just get sick and feel I need to work faster.It has to stop!!

Chaplain Kathie said...

HI Sheri,
You have already done a lot just by talking about what happened to Trever. I know you feel frustrated because you understand the pain other families are in and feel that you should be doing more.
I know how that feels but understand because of you, others find comfort and courage to talk about all of this. You stepped forward so they can gain strength.
This is a battle that has been going on since the 70's when Vietnam veterans came home, but the suffering has always been there. We just didn't know about it.
It is also a battle that will keep going as long as there are wars and not enough to take care of them when they come home from them.
People like you help to make sure more is done.

Anonymous said...

Thank you! For everything you are doing on here also. O[eration Iv and Trever Gould Memorial will keep fighting for our soldiers and vets. We offer counciling, and many other things. I will be training service dogs for the vets. Since I know if my son had one he would be alive with me today. Will not give up! PTSD is a serious and deadly force going through or vets. We have a cure for many caners we should be able to figure this out. But until then we do need to do what we know is helping.

Chaplain Kathie said...

There is no cure for PTSD. The best we can do so far is intervention right after trauma. That worked for me and I've faced death 5 times just as a civilian.
With Combat trauma, they have yet to come up with a program that does what it has to do as soon as it has to be done. Civilians have done for years.
The next best thing is to treat it properly as soon as possible. With the right help, they heal and they are a lot stronger on the other side. What is really wonderful about all the veterans that did heal is they turn around and help other veterans.
I would like to take a look at what you're doing so please send me what you can.