PTSD:When domestic violence is not what you think

I've written often about this issue. When it comes to PTSD and domestic violence, sometimes, it isn't what you think.

A Growing Problem for Veterans: Domestic Violence
"The increasing number of veterans with posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) raises the risk of domestic violence and its consequences on families and children in communities across the United States," says Monica Matthieu, Ph.D., an expert on veteran mental health and an assistant professor of social work at Washington University in St. Louis.

"Treatments for domestic violence are very different than those for PTSD. The Department of Veterans Affairs (VA) has mental health services and treatments for PTSD, yet these services need to be combined with the specialized domestic violence intervention programs offered by community agencies for those veterans engaging in battering behavior against intimate partners and families."
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Are there combat veterans who commit domestic violence without PTSD being involved? Absolutely. We forget that the men and women who serve are just like the rest of us.

There are many cases where abuse and domestic violence have the contributing factor of PTSD. This is not blame the victim but without knowing what PTSD is and what it does to some people, all too often the reaction of family members contributes to the escalation of angry situations.

Black eyes and bloody noses have been reported since Vietnam veterans came home. Although reports before that time were not highly publicized, they occurred in older veterans households as well. When a PTSD veteran is having a nightmare, the normal reaction of a spouse is to wake them up. If they know what the nightmare is putting the veteran thru, they are more careful about how they do this. If the veteran is shaken awake, they can and usually do react with a tight fist. They are not aware that it is their spouse trying to wake them up. To them, at the moment, the spouse is an enemy trying to hurt them. When the spouse knows what they are dealing with, they will remove themselves from the bed, out of striking distance, softly call out the name of the veteran until the veteran wakes up. This eliminates the violence that can follow when something as simple as walking someone up can cause a lot of harm.

Police have been called in the middle of the night to a domestic dispute because a nightmare was handled badly. The spouse, unaware of the danger, actually caused it. If we do not educate all spouses living with a PTSD veteran, we will see more domestic violence that does not need to happen. The same problem happens when they are having a flashback.

During the time of a flashback, the veteran is not in the same room. They are far away and reliving danger. If a spouse gets angry because the veteran is not paying attention to them, they may yell out of frustration and end up being attacked. Again, if the spouse can see the signs of the veteran taking a mind trip back into combat, they know how not to react.

It is not just the spouse on the receiving end of reactions but the children as well. If they think Dad or Mom is the same as they always were, they will act the same way they did but with PTSD, the reaction of the veteran is not always "normal" and a lot of children end up being yelled at and punished for minor offenses like breaking a glass and causing a startled response from the veteran. The child will internalize the reaction and begin to blame themselves as well as emotionally pull away from the veteran, all too often end up feeling as if they hate their parent simply because they do not understand.

PTSD households need to have new ground rules but they will not develop them unless they know exactly what PTSD is. We are failing military families and citizen soldier families across the nation when they are not provided with every scrap of information they can receive. There are too many cases of this that do not need to happen.


Senior Chaplain Kathie Costos
International Fellowship of Chaplains
Namguardianangel@aol.com
www.Namguardianangel.org
www.Woundedtimes.blogspot.com
"The willingness with which our young people are likely to serve in any war, no matter how justified, shall be directly proportional to how they perceive veterans of early wars were treated and appreciated by our nation." - George Washington